Kids vs. Golden Retriever

10 reasons I think my kids should be more like my dog:

1. My dog always is excited to see me when I get home, bringing me gifts at the door (usually a smelly shoe, but she thinks it's valuable). My kids, grunt and raise an eyebrow, barely glancing up from their TV show, Nintendo or book depending on the day.
2. When my dog wants my attention she looks at me, dances around and tries to show me how much fun it would be to play. When my kids want my attention, they pick a fight with each other.
3. When I want to go for a run, my dog is always a willing participant, dropping whatever she is doing and running for the door. This is also always the moment my kids suddenly notice I am home and need a snack, a permission slip signed, help with their homework, clean socks etc.
4. My dog devours healthy, homemade food like it is chocolate. My kids prefer KD.
5. My dog thinks a good tummy rub is a gift from the gods and looks at me like I descended from the heavens when she gets one. My kids are holding out for a PS3.
6. When I trim her nails, my dog sits still. My kids think it's a form of torture.
7. My dog doesn't need braces.
8. When I want to go on vacation, I can kennel my dog. As far as I know, it is illegal to kennel kids but I haven't tested my theory, yet.
9. My dog doesn't have a hockey game at 8:00 am on a Saturday morning.
10. When my dog pees outside, the neighbours don't complain.